Much like a prophylactic or a roller coaster, the workstation is a morphological creature that comes in many forms. No matter how meritorious a job role may seem; the workstation determines whether professional life is an exciting thrill ride, rich in stimulations and experiences, or a slow numbness; crushing you under the dulling grind of tedious monotony.
Needless to say, the quality of workstations can differ immeasurably and a keen eye is needed to separate the Durex from the Tesco value bags. To guide you on this daring expedition I’ve compiled a list of the most extreme and complex set-ups from several industries to give you an idea of what hard-core digital heaven looks like:
First off let’s FIGURE out which type of workstation we should look at and take STOCK of all our options. Actually don’t worry about it, I’ve taken everything into ACCOUNT and realised we would PROFIT the most out of seeing workstations from the financial sector first.
Banking; everyone does it, sometimes more than once a day. Or maybe that’s something else… All I know is that if I was the owner of any of one of these workstations I’d have serious carpal tunnel syndrome and a creeping fear of going blind. In a recent post from Business Insider, traders who frequent the site uploaded what kind of workstations they use in their daily dealings. These ‘Insider Traders’ as we’ll call them did not disappoint. Under a slew of preposterous examples I came across this gem:
I know. I feel exactly the same way. Why are we wasting time perusing blogs on the internet when we could be zoning in on a life where we wake up to that every day?
This trader, who is apparently from Connecticut, USA, really has it made: not just one drink on his desk, but two! If I were a gambling man, I’d be willing to wager that’s a mug of coffee and a plastic cup brimming with one of the cocktails we taught you how to make the other week. Stockbroking is clearly the way to go, don’t believe me? Simply steer your eyes to the right of this image. That’s right: a salmon orange watch, and don’t even get me started on those beautiful brown slippers winking at us from under the desk. Let’s move on before I YEILD and change my career.
Another industry to look at is in the ever growing world of gaming. Over the last few years the internet, much like a tumour, has grown and spread throughout the entire world, flourishing and distracting every inhabitant with its enormous mass and variety. One of these delicious varieties comes in the form of computer games: a past time so addictive and respected that it has gained its own stars and celebrities with top earners making up to $2,000,000 a year.
It’s an exciting prospect and I’m sure you’re raring to get involved. You’ve had enough of minesweeper and now you want the big leagues. Well, with a few years of practice and complete neglect of your personal life this can be achieved. Each day spent sat in front of a setup like this, the technological tree you would use to harvest the fruits of your labour…
With more monitors than a celebrity on suicide watch, and enough mice to make a cancer research lab jealous; this workstation truly is living (but by no means socially). The incredible set up comes complete with “lower ground” accommodation, an endless supply of loneliness and remarkable ambient acoustics that allow every sigh of disappointed parents to reach your ears in sterling clarity from anywhere in the room.
On the off-chance that your gaming career brings you riches beyond your grubbiest and unwashed dreams, the more agoraphobic gamer would be inclined to take their workstation to the next level. The Canadian company MWE Labs have recently designed a gaming chair known only as the Emperor 200, but unlike its namesake this piece of gaming perfection costs slightly more than a 200 year old Emperor, whistling to sky-scraping steep tune of $50,000. Along with its touchscreen capability for ultimate precision and a state-of-the-art air-filtration system to cover up the lived-in smell, the Emperor 200’s innovative design will make you the talk of the basement and will in no way make people think twice about your personal habits. Dribble over it here.
What’s that? Not impressed with those suggestions? My lord you’re ungrateful, it seems I’ve been too SOFT on you when suggesting workstation wonderlands. Let’s up the stakes, I feel you’ll like how things are going to DEVELOP. For those who are skimming this article you’ve just missed some amazing puns about software development. This is a booming industry where time spent in front of a workstation is about as long as and tireless as the code the job entails.
A good example of one of these marvellous monstrosities comes from a ‘big fish’ in this somehow now figuratively aquatic field Stefan Didak. Didak, a renowned developer, is known solely for his extremely expansive/expensive set up. Here, have a glance of what life could be like in the ever growing industry of Information Technology:
Picture it; a job where all you see is an endless slew of zeroes and ones – This is your own personal matrix, you are the one... who will never be leaving the house. Although there’ll be plenty of time for that after you’ve retired, an average software developer can earn up to $160,000 as a base salary. “Who’s the nerd now?” you can bellow to everyone you used to know ever, wafting your cool six-figure salaries under the noses of all your former peers, although the answer is probably still you if you’ve kept a grudge that long. Let it go, man, you’re a professional.
Software Developer, Stockbroker, gamer, there is no question that these roles have workstations worth wetting your pants on a bus for. Although, much like most childhood pets and that homeless man I saw outside the library, these workstations all seem to be missing a certain quality: life. There’s no heart in it, either they’re fudging figures, crunching codes or annihilating one another. What we need is a workstation that connects back to the people. Ladies and gentlemen of the work place jury, I give you: the Radio workstation.
Subtle, yet piercing like penetrating a birthday cake with a pickle; it doesn’t look like much but damn is it effective. The radio workstation really puts the community back into workplace connecting with thousands of people on a personal level at any one time. It comes complete with several dashing monitors and speakers clearer than public decency laws. See those headphones right there? He got them after reading what our favourite alternatives to Beats were, trust me. This is a dynamite industry with the highest paid presenters earning up to $80 million a year. That’s definitely an idea to keep TRACK of.
Well there we have it. Those are my big four and I’m sticking to them. If there’s any workstation I have missed that you feel would make this content even more satisfying, feel free to pop your suggestions down in the comments box. Failing that feel free to spam up our Facebook and Twitter with your suggestions. We’d love to hear from you.
Credits: Chris Jagers @Flickr